


Conversations In and Out of Closets

by Bucklethorpe



Category: Saving Hope
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-06
Updated: 2017-07-06
Packaged: 2018-11-28 09:54:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11415447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bucklethorpe/pseuds/Bucklethorpe
Summary: Maggie and Sydney snippets. Fun for everyone.





	1. Hayley Mills vs. Lindsay Lohan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Return to the scene of the crime. Just prior to 3.11.

“Alex?” Maggie called as she cautiously poked her head inside Alex’s room.  The retching noises had traveled well across their shared condo and she was starting to get concerned. She paused for a second, seriously considering how deep she was willing to get into what could be a potential flu outbreak. The doctor in her won out eventually. “Alex? Are you okay? You okay, Alex?”

“Yes!” Alex shouted through the bathroom door over the sound of the lock clicking into place.  “I’m fine. Don’t worry about it. Just go, please.”

Maggie took another few steps, letting one hand linger on the door knob.  She quickly pulled it away, shaking off the germs to no avail. “Hate to tell you this, Alex, but you don’t sound fine. Sounds more severe and persistent, if anything.”

“Just give me a minute.”

“What are your other symptoms?”

“Stop doctoring me, Lin!”

“Can’t help it, Reid. I’m a doctor.” Maggie took one last glance at the cell phone that displayed her Grade-Your-MD score. “Apparently, a pretty average one.  But, still, a doctor.”

“What?” Alex shouted after another brief gagging episode.

“Nevermind,” Maggie answered as she shoved her phone in her back pocket. “Do you need me to do something? Hold your hair back? Call...somebody?”

When Alex finally opened the door, there stood Maggie, waiting.  Her arms were crossed over a striped shirt, eyebrow arched.

“It’s nothing,” Alex answered the unasked question.

“You sure?”

“Really.” Alex firmly shut the door behind her. “I’m sure, Mags. All better.”

Maggie did not believe it for a second. “I kinda feel bad for leaving you alone.”

“I’m very capable to taking care of myself.”

“You are,” Maggie agreed wholeheartedly. “I know you are.”

“Quit worrying.” Alex pointed to her closet, door already open.  “The sweater I borrowed from you is in there.” If it was an attempt to change the subject, it worked flawlessly.

“Ah,” Maggie said, smile growing on her face.  She moved quickly toward the closet to find it. She leafed through a couple of items, inspecting a slinky black dress before she found her coveted sweater. “There you are.”

“Talking to your clothes will get you psych eval,” Alex teased as she climbed onto her bed, letting her head rest on a cool pillow.

“I’ve been evaluated by enough psychs,” Maggie said with no humor while she tucked the sweater under her arm.

“And what  _ is _ going on with you and the good therapist? I’ve heard some rumours.”

“Nothing,” Maggie denied. She relented quickly, “I dunno. Maybe it could be something, but not with-” 

“Not with...?” Alex’s interest was piqued. “What’s stopping you? If you think it could be something, you should go for it.”

“He’s celibate, for one. I don’t have time for that.” Maggie took the few strides to deposit herself on Alex’s bed as well. “Plus...ugh...do you want to feel better about your life by hearing about mine?”

Alex studied Maggie for only a moment before nodding. “Yes, please.”

Maggie took a deep breath and surveyed Alex carefully. She briefly wondered if Dana’s accusations about her gossipy nature was spot on, but dismissed it just as quickly. “So, recently...I was kissed by someone...and it has become surprisingly confusing in the aftermath.”

“Kissed, huh?”

“Yes,” Maggie confirmed. “A full-on lip lock.”

“Not by Dr. Dey?”

“No.” Maggie shook her head. “The celibacy thing is very serious, apparently.”

“Confusing for you? Or confusing in general?”

“Confusing for me.  For several reasons.  Professionally and, well,” Maggie sighed. “Yeah...maybe personally.  No, no, definitely personally. Of course, there was this girl that I made out with in med school, like once, but...it was at the height of the popularity of ‘I Kissed a Girl’ so...”

“Easily influenced?”

“I can be.”

“Wait!” Alex had a sudden epiphany. “Katz?!”

Maggie’s eyes widened in surprise. “Yeah, how did you-?”

“Of course, it’s Katz.” Alex tapped her index fingers together like attracting magnets. “You two. It’s always like the two of you are having a conversation that others aren’t privy to. It’s kind of annoying.”

“Well, you’re one to talk.”

“What?” Alex seemed surprised by that comeback.

“Yeah.” Maggie shot her a look daring her to deny it.

Alex relented quickly. “Well, back atcha.”

“Hm, shit,” Maggie bit her lip as she folded and unfolded the sweater in her hands. “I didn’t know other people had noticed?”

“I noticed,” Alex shrugged. “I truly didn’t know there was more to it, though.”

“I’m not so sure that there is,” Maggie said thoughtfully. “I do, but I don’t. It’s...odd. She’s odd.”

Alex tried her best to hide her grin.  She failed miserably. “You like her.”

Maggie guffawed. “It’s just that, something is...askew-”

“Askew?”

“Askew,” Maggie said. “Something’s off with her and now I have a vested interest.”

“In her?”

“In whatever is askew, Alex,” Maggie argued.

“Because you like her.”

“Yeah, so,” Maggie replied lamely. 

Alex let Maggie process it for a moment in silence before a thought occurred to her. “Isn’t Dr. Katz getting married?”

“In a month,” Maggie scratched at her nose. “She kissed me and then promptly got engaged to some guy she said she’s been dating for all of about ten weeks. Who does that?”

Alex had the audacity to look impressed. “Katz moves fast.”

Maggie rolled her eyes. “What ever happened to getting to know somebody before you commit to them for a lifetime. Is that a lost art or something? She never even mentioned Herschel before. Absolutely nothing. Bupkis.”

“Maybe she likes her privacy.”

“Well, she laid one on me at the hospital,” Maggie stated. “So...I’m not so sure privacy is really her bag.”

“That just makes her a doctor at Hope Z.”

“True,” Maggie agreed. “Feel better?”

“Yes.”

“Told you, you would,” Maggie said. “For you may have two handsome guys in love with you, Alex, but I’m stuck between two completely sexless individuals who may or may not like me at all. I win.”

“You always do.”

Maggie wiggled off the bed, swinging her sweater over her shoulder. “I’m going to whip you up something. Nurse you back to health with an ancient Chinese home remedy.”

“And what’s that?” Alex asked amused.

“Eh, it sounded better than saying I’m about to throw a bunch of stuff in a blender and make you drink it.”


	2. Ophelia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Come Together. Right now. Over me. Post 3.14.

Sydney shifted, trying to get comfortable. Comfortable in position, with herself, with her  _ new _ self maybe. With her new foray into sex. Publically, to boot. The thought of her bare ass against the questioningly laundered hospital sheets of an on-call bunk was not particularly helping her comfort levels, either.  A quick glance upward made her aware she was being watched.

“What are you staring at?” Sydney asked playfully at Maggie’s sexy self-satisfied little smirk.

“You,” Maggie said with a wink.  She let her fingernail scratch lightly on Sydney’s forearm, still feeling the compulsion to touch the other woman. “You know, you’re really cute when you’re not, like, completely and totally uptight.”

“I’m not always uptight, Dr. Lin.”

“Don’t call me Dr. Lin,” Maggie cringed. “Not while we’re naked.”

“You’re not,” Sydney pointed out. She hooked her finger into the vee of Maggie’s top to prove that point. 

“Do you want me to be?” Maggie let herself be pulled closer. “I can make it happen.”

Sydney stopped suddenly and pushed back ever so slightly. “I would really like to take you up on the offer, but I’m not entirely sure I could handle it.”

“Flattery,” Maggie smiled that smile that made Sydney’s belly flutter.  The same damn flutter that started the day they had met.  The same flutter that got her engaged and upside down and sideways and naked in a hospital bunk.

Sydney’s hands clenched around the sheet covering her chest just fractionally tighter. “So...”

“So...” Maggie took her in, seeing the white knuckle grip. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Sydney gulped as she nodded too forcibly. “I’m okay!”

“Are you freaking out?” Maggie asked sincerely. “You don’t have to freak out, Syd. I promise. I’ve got you. You’re fine.”

“I’m not! I’m not freaking out,” Sydney said. “This is what I wanted. You. This. This is what I came here for, yeah. Uh, so, um, thank you.”

“Thank you?” Maggie rolled away enough to lean up on her elbow. Her post-sex high was diminishing quickly. “I rarely get thanked for sex.”

“Well, I know you’re not-you know, this is not-”

“Not what? Don’t leave me in suspense.”

Sydney stared at the bottom of the top bunk above her. “You’re not gay.”

“No,” Maggie said, waving it off. “But it’s not like I didn’t want to-”

“So, this can’t really go anywhere else, right?”

“I-” Maggie started and realized she had no idea where it could go, if anywhere.  She had no idea what it meant or why she had so easily fallen into bed with her supervisor. She had no idea what the fuck she was doing. Except Sydney Katz. She  _ was _ doing that. Did, past tense. Would again if the situation presented itself, that was for sure.

Sydney read Maggie’s tortured silence the best she could. “Plus, I’m getting married.”

That stopped Maggie’s internal musings. “Whoa, what?”

“You knew that, Maggie.”

“You’re still getting married?” Maggie was actively trying to put as much distance as she could between them without jumping right out of the bed and screaming down the hallway. It wasn’t the conversation she envisioned happening after she and Sydney got together.  Which would mean she had an expectation of what that conversation would sound like. She did not.  Nor did she have any inkling that the whole ‘getting together’ part would actually come to fruition. Wack.  The whole situation was circling the drain post haste. “Seriously?”

“Of course,” Sydney said as calmly as could be. “This doesn’t change anything.”

“How can it not?"

“When I said you didn’t understand, I meant it,” Sydney said firmly. “You  _ can’t _ understand. I may like girls, but I love my family and my community and my... _ life _ , Maggie. It’s farcockt, but that’s the way it is.”

“You can’t just stop wanting what you want, Sydney.”

“No,” Sydney acknowledged. “But, now I have  _ this _ and this is enough.”

“That’s...” Maggie let the word  _ sad _ die in her throat as she dropped her hand to feel along the floor where she was only about 67% sure her bottoms got tossed in the flurry of clothing.  She found the cool metal of wire framed glasses instead.  She held them out behind her, “Here.”

Sydney took them, pushing them back onto her face and scurrying to pull her top back over her head while Maggie was turned away. The mumbled “thanks” was barely audible.

Maggie finally found her panties tangled up with her scrubs. She extracted them and yanked them up her legs, standing to pull them up over her ass. When she dipped to grab her pants, she caught the longing look on Sydney’s face.  Maggie immediately deflated and dropped back down. “Are you really okay?”

“Yes,” Sydney said convincingly. Her expression clouded after a second, though. “Was it, uh, was it okay? For you?”

Maggie chuckled, “Do you want a letter grade or something?”

“Maggie...” Sydney’s vulnerability was evident in her pleading tone. “It’s important that you...that you don’t feel like I was using you f-”

“Yeah, Syd. It was okay.” Maggie cut her off, just wanting to end the conversation and whatever direction it may have been going. Maggie redressed herself quickly.  She pinned her hair back to a presentable fashion. She watched as Sydney nervously did the same thing out of the corner of her eye. Then, she walked around the metal ladder of the bunk until she planted herself into Sydney’s space.  She leaned in, dropped one last lingering kiss on Sydney’s jawline and whispered, “Kind of amazing, actually.”

Sydney watched her walk out without even breathing. She was in trouble.  Despite her belief that  _ just one time _ would absolve her of temptation, she knew that her addiction to Maggie Lin had grown exponentially instead. “Oy vey!” she said into the silent room.  She grabbed her scrub cap, folding it reverently before heading out herself.


	3. The Younger Cardinal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Into the fictional abyss between 3.15 and 3.16.

At the sound of the supply closet door swinging open Maggie flippantly called, “You need to order more disposable blood pressure cuffs, Zach. You’re always yelling about  _ your _ ER, but do you even make sure it’s stocked? It’s a mess in here.” 

“There are some cuffs on the OB floor.”

Maggie stilled at the unexpected voice, hand hovering in the air. She craned her neck to peer between the metal baskets containing catheters that lined the open shelving.

“You’re not invisible, Dr. Lin,” Sydney declared. “I can see you.”

“I know you can,” Maggie responded.  Not moving. Still peering.  “What are you doing here?”

“I work here.”

“Here, in the ER,” Maggie clarified. “What are you doing  _ here _ ?”

“Incoming trauma, ten minutes out,” Sydney replied. “Pregnant woman in the multi-car accident on the 401. I was paged  _ here.” _

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, sorry.”

“And...” Sydney shrugged. “In the spirit of honesty, I may have seen you come in.”

Maggie scooped up and handful of gauze pads and exclaimed, “Ah ha!”

“Yes, you got me. I followed you here,” Sydney deadpanned while throwing her hands up in mock defense. “Put down the gauze.”

Maggie did as she was told after a few seconds of thought. “Can I help you with something, Dr. Katz? Now that I’m cornered.”

“I just wanted to clear the air,” Sydney offered as her fingers folded tightly over the sleeves of her white coat. “I feel like last night didn’t go very well.”

“You don’t say,” Maggie countered, eyes rolling. “While not the most painful thing I’ve ever been through, it easily ranks in the top ten.”

“Top ten, really?”

“Eight, maybe seven.”

“Well, I don’t think it was  _ that _ bad,” Sydney said. “Although, the conversation was pretty stilted toward the end. Too much psychoanalysis for my taste.”

Maggie sighed heavily, “Not that I had big aspirations for a trip to Daddy’s Long Leg Crab Shack, anyway.”

“I can’t imagine why you wouldn’t,” Sydney teased.

“Eh, it was free,” Maggie said. “And I’m broke, so not a total loss.”

“So, the date part? It was a date, right?” Sydney inquired. “Not a total loss on that front?”

Maggie’s eyebrow arched at the question. “Are you concerned about my relationship status, Doctor?”

“No,” Sydney said without pause. “Not at all. Just curious about how you thought it went. Because I was there and I’ve had experience in these kinds of things-”

“In what kinds of things exactly?”

“I’m the last single girl of all my friends growing up,” Sydney said. “I’ve been the chaperone to countless dates. I’m practically a professional third wheel-”

Maggie considered that new info. “That explains a lot.”

“And that one,” Sydney’s lips quirked in pity, “was, well, uh, weird.”

“Weird,” Maggie nodded, playing along. “You don’t think it might have been because  _ you _ were there?”

“You invited me!”

“Yeah...because...” Maggie grappled for an explanation.

“Why did you? Invite me?” Sydney asked. “I don’t think either you or Dr. Dey have rigid Jewish customs to adhere to when you want to go out...on a date...or whatever it may have been.”

“I felt bad.”

“Oh,” Sydney’s face fell. “Wow. I get it, okay.”

“No, Syd, no,” Maggie took a step toward her. “I didn’t mean that-”

“You did mean that.”

“Well, yeah,” Maggie agreed. “But! I didn’t realize what you were trying to do until after and by then James had asked me to go, and...”

Sydney gulped, nodding. “It was stupid.”

“You could have just asked me,” Maggie smiled sympathetically.

“I can’t just ask, Maggie,” Sydney said quietly. “I  _ can’t _ .  _ We _ can’t.”

“Okay,” Maggie accepted it without a challenge. “But, we’re friends, right? I mean, we’re co-workers. Technically, you’re my teacher, I’m your student. We’re friends, though.  We can have a meal together. And it doesn’t have to be any more than that.”

Sydney looked doubtful at the proposition. “No more than that?”

“Nope,” Maggie said. “Just two people who don’t want shellfish going to a crab shack. Nothing to see.”

“Are you and Dr. Dey just friends who were going to a crab shack?”

“No,” Maggie said honestly. 

“You like him?”

“I do.”

“Okay.”

“You’re getting married.”

“I am.”

“So, yeah,” Maggie said. “I like him.”

“Because I’m getting married?”

“Does it matter?”

Sydney shook her head in defeat. “No.”

“Okay.” Maggie’s gaze dropped to Sydney’s lips before purposely averting her eyes with a groan. “Incoming trauma!”

“What?”

“You have an incoming trauma,” Maggie said. “And I’m in the ER today. If Zach can’t find me, he’ll go ballistic.”

“Oh, yeah. Yeah, I’m going.” Sydney turned to exit the closet.  She stopped short right before the door and faced Maggie. “For what it’s worth, he seems like a nice guy.”

“He is a nice guy.” Maggie waited until Sydney had left before saying. “Not you, but nice.”


	4. A Convoluted Ploy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pre 3.17.

Maggie Lin had never been much for modesty.  She’s a just whip-your-shirt-off kinda gal most days.  Which is why she didn’t fret too much over the fact that she had balled her shirt up and tossed it toward her locker that morning when a Code Blue was announced.  The fact that she had no earthly idea where it landed wasn’t too much of a problem either.  Pilfering through Joel’s locker seemed like a decent alternative to walking through the hospital without a shirt, though.  He was off either do-gooding or punching people to death. What did he care?

She had found one that smelled clean and had it mostly over her head when she heard coughing and spluttering and what sounded to the trained ear like an oncoming asthmatic event.

Maggie quickly pushed her arms through the t-shirt to access the situation.

“Oh, hey.”

Sydney Katz, a woman who spent a great amount of time between the legs of ladies, was still trying to catch her breath at the marvel that she accidentally found.  “I did not know you were not dressed.”

Maggie’s eyes widened, “Oh, sorry. I didn’t know you were going to walk in...several minutes after me.”

“I wanted to catch up with you, but I can come back-” Sydney hooked her thumb over her shoulder and started to retreat.

“Dr. Katz,” Maggie stopped her. “It’s fine. What did you need?”

“I, uh, haven’t seen you-er-I mean, we haven’t been together-” Sydney stopped and gathered herself. “You and I have not worked together in a while. Just wondered if you wanted to scrub in on the C-section I have tomorrow morning?”

“Of course,” Maggie said immediately. “Wait, what time?”

“Nine.”

“Okay, then, yes. Alex’s thing is earlier,” Maggie nodded again. “So yes, I can do that.”

“Oh, yeah, the baby shower for Baby Reid,” Sydney remembered. “Hey, it’s fine if you’re busy with that. You’ve seen and done a million C-sections in the last few months. So, if you can’t-”

“I want to,” Maggie said, nearly defensive in her tone. “You’re right, we haven’t seen much of each other recently. So, yeah. I’ll be there.”

“Okay.”

A moment of silence passed. More and more times an awkward pause would fill the gaps that should have been filled by personal thoughts, feelings, confessions.

“I have some reading to do,” Maggie finally reported. “And I have to bake.”

“Bake?” Sydney smiled. “You’re baking?”

“I can bake.”

“And what is it you’re baking?”

“ _ I _ am in charge of the cupcakes for the shower,” Maggie declared. “But, it’s a surprise and I live with Alex so I may have to go across town to-”

“I have an oven,” Sydney blurted out, much to her own surprise.

“Huh?” Maggie was surprised herself at the bit of information.  Well, not that Sydney had an oven, but that Sydney could be inviting her to use that oven.  The second part was surprising.

Sydney had decided to go with it, though. “I have an oven. You can bake at my apartment. Actually, I’d really love to see that.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, of course,” Sydney assured her. “I have to check on a couple of patients, but I’m heading out soon.  You can meet me there in an hour.”

“I’ve, uh, never been to your apartment.”

“I’ll,  _ uh _ , text you my address.”

 

* * *

 

 

Fifty-seven minutes later, Maggie was nervously watching the numbers rise as the elevator ascended to Sydney’s floor.  She was still steeling herself when she realized that she had run out of time. She stepped off the elevator to find Sydney was already waiting at her door.

“Hi,” Sydney said with a shy wave. All the bravado she may have had long since receded in the previous fifty-eight minutes. Also, she was slightly winded from the whirlwind cleaning she had just performed with nearly Olympic gymnast level dexterity.

Maggie slid her grocery bag to the other arm just for something to do, slowing as she approached. She hooked her free hand into the strap of the backpack that carried her anatomy textbook. “Hey.”

“Hey.” Sydney couldn’t help but cast her eyes up and down Maggie’s body.  It had become habit at some point. “You find me okay?”

“I did,” Maggie replied, shifting from foot to foot. She gestured toward the grocery bag with her head. “Grabbed some stuff on my way over. Is that cool?”

“Depends on what it is.”

“I checked all the labels.”

“Come in,” Sydney invited as she stepped aside.  She held the door open and pointed with a flourish. “Kitchen’s right there. The oven, as promised.”

Maggie took a look around as she entered. Sydney’s place was neat and clean, which was expected. It was also quite modern with sharp lines and dark furniture.  Maggie was slightly surprised it wasn’t more Jewish.  Even though, to be honest, she had no clue what “more Jewish” would have looked like. Maybe with lots of old world knickknacks and Hebrew scripts adorning the walls, of which there were few.  

“Nice place.”

“It’s a place to sleep,” Sydney said. “I don’t spend a lot of time here.”

“I know how it is,” Maggie sympathized. She set the bag on the counter and placed her backpack on a nearby barstool. “Is this okay?” Maggie asked of the backpack’s placement.

“Sure.” Sydney perched herself on an adjacent stool across from her.

“I appreciate this,” Maggie said as she studied Sydney’s spotless appliance in order to figure out how to preheat. She returned looking accomplished and started to unpack. “I was either going to have make up some really unbelievable story to tell Alex or go across town to Zach’s.”

“No problem,” Sydney assured her as she watched the items that were being put on the table, one by one. “Happy to help.”

Maggie meticulously laid out all the ingredients like a surgeon would lay out their instruments, everything in the order that she would need.  Sydney looked on with genuine curiosity until the end when she picked up the last thing Maggie put down. She flipped it over in her hand, reading the label to make sure. 

“Applesauce?”

“Applesauce,” Maggie confirmed, reaching into the brown paper sack pulling out a muffin tin. “Egg substitute. For you. So you don’t die.”

“Very thoughtful,” Sydney smiled brightly. “Didn’t know that you knew that.”

Maggie laughed, “Of course, I do. My fourth morning on your service, I brought bacon and eggs for breakfast and you asked if I was trying to kill  _ and  _ curse you.”

“Ah,” Sydney squinted, trying to remember. “I vaguely recall.”

“You can be dramatic.”

“I am not dramatic!”

"Hm,” Maggie grinned slyly, going back to work on her mission at hand. “Can I borrow a bowl?”

 Sydney regarded her with a serious look. “You think I have a bowl, but not a muffin tin?”

“Do you have a muffin tin?”

Sydney waited a beat before confirming. “No.”

“Do you have a bowl?”

“Yes.”

“Can I borrow it?” Maggie waited. “Honestly, I’m not sure what the rules are. So, I’m really asking. I can go buy a new one if you would rather me do that.”

Sydney didn’t answer verbally, she just shoved away from the counter and rounded it.  She passed Maggie, but then placed her hand on Maggie’s hip to keep her balance as she reached into the cupboard to grab a large bowl.  She flipped it to show Maggie a green label on bottom. “Green is good.”

“Gotcha.”

When Sydney stood to her full height, she was close.  Too close.  Maggie could feel Sydney’s breath on her neck when she exhaled.  _ That _ close.  And that was pretty close considering the unspoken rule was to keep each other at arm’s length.

“Why did you buy six different frostings?” Sydney asked, mainly to break the tension.

“Oh, um...” Maggie had formulated the vagina cupcakes plan way before she knew what the baking arrangements would be.  She thought it would be a real hoot.  It still would be.  But, she also thought it might be in poor taste to bring up vaginas when they were trying so valiantly not to rub theirs together. “You’ll see,” she finally said.

One borrowed, green labelled fork later, she was on her way. She measured, she poured, and she mixed all with practiced ease.

“You actually know how to do this,” Sydney observed.  She had returned to a safe distance away, but the air was already charged. 

“Baking is a science,” Maggie shot back. “Basic chemistry.”

“Just another on your long list of skills.”

“Yeah,” Maggie said without looking up. “That and my nephew likes ‘em. I’ve done this a few times.”

“How old is he?”

“Two,” Maggie answered as she set the baking cups into the muffin tins. 

“I bet he loves you.”

That made Maggie’s head snap up to look her in the eye. Sydney smiled kindly in response.  She was being sincere, not necessarily flirty.  It made Maggie want to match the sincerity instead of some nonchalant comment about her own awesomeness. “Yeah, well. I wasn’t always such a great aunt, but when I was pregnant, I guess, well, I started paying more attention. He’s a fun kid.”

“How are you doing? With that?” Sydney pried. “After the mis-”

“Better,” Maggie answered, pouring batter into the cups. “I think it’s easier not having Gavin around.  Or maybe, time heals all wounds or whatever.  You helped.”

“I helped?”

“Your suggestion,” Maggie said. “The letter writing candle thing. It helped.”

A beep from the oven indicated it was time and Maggie lifted the pan and whirled around to place it in the oven. She slipped the cupcakes onto the center rack and set a timer on her phone.  When she looked up, she noticed she was under Sydney’s scrutiny.

“You did it?” Sydney seemed stunned by the confession.

“Yeah. It made me feel..” Maggie searched for the appropriate words, “more at peace.”

“I’m glad.”

A few minutes passed before Maggie spoke up again. “I’d probably be a completely different person right now. Maybe even married to Gav. Can you imagine  _ me _ with a kid?”

“Absolutely,” Sydney said, probably giving much too much away. She laughed to cover it. “You can make cupcakes, right? Totally a mom thing.”

Maggie brushed the comment aside, not wanting to delve back into that rabbit hole. “So, I have a ton of self-assigned reading to get through and about-” Maggie checked her watch, “fifteen minutes before those are done.”

“And what is your preferred reading these days?”

Maggie pulled her anatomy textbook out of her backpack and turned it so that Sydney could see it.

“That’s a good one,” Sydney teased. “A real page-turner.”

“Isn’t it, though?” Maggie said through a yawn.

“Are you sleeping?” Sydney asked, genuine concern in her voice. “I know your first instinct is to study and work, but it’s important to sleep. Especially with the boards coming up.”

Maggie tsked at herself. “I’m doing better. Getting some winks here and there.”

“Hopefully not during surgery.”

“No,” Maggie said, a blush starting at the memory of falling asleep during one of Dr. Katz’s surgeries. “I told you never again.”

“I’m sorry about what I said, about you not making it,” Sydney rushed out, her own embarrassment creeping in. “I’m sorry if I planted a seed of doubt about your abilities. That wasn’t my intention and after I thought about it-”

“It’s okay, Syd. I deserved it.”

“Maybe,” Sydney shrugged. “But you’re very good with patients. And you’re talented, Maggie. You have good instincts. You’re going to do fine.”

“Hm.”

“It’s a struggle for everyone.”

“Even for you?” Maggie was doubtful. “Was it a struggle for the brilliant Sydney Katz?”

“Yes! Yes, it was shreklekh!”

Maggie didn’t quite know how bad that was, but she let it go. “Well, I’m glad at least one of us is confident.”

“About you? Of course,” Sydney remarked. “I trust you. I trust you in the operating room, with my patients...in my home.”

“Thank you,” Maggie said appreciatively.  She thumbed open her book and began to read only pausing to retrieve her moist, delicious cupcakes from the oven a few moments later.

As the treats cooled, the two of them existed companionably. Maggie studied while Sydney read through a particularly interesting article in her favorite medical journal.  They occasionally stole quick glances and half smiles.  There was a question planted at the edge of Maggie’s tongue, though.  There was something she needed to hear out loud.  Whether it was to give her a sense of finality or she was just a glutton for punishment, she didn’t know.  But, it was now or never.  There would never be a more suitable or appropriate time.  

Maggie cleared her throat waiting for Sydney to give her undivided attention.  She bit at her lip, nervous at how much of herself she might reveal with the question.  

“Are you happy?” she asked. “I mean, do you think you’ll ever really be as happy as you could be? As you should be? Because you deserve to be happy, Syd.”

“I’m happy right now,” Sydney answered simply and without elaboration.

“It’s time for frosting,” Maggie said with a curt nod, knowing it was the end of the conversation and the night and quite possibly the end of whatever dance they were so clumsily doing. That was inexplicably that.

Maggie took care to arrange all the frosting tubes in front of her and went about decorating like a mad woman.  She carefully squiggled and shaped, letting her tongue peek out just slightly between her lips.

Sydney nearly giggled at the concentration on Maggie’s features. “I’ve only ever seen you this serious in an OR.”

“Oh, I think you’ve seen me serious in other places,” Maggie quipped.

Sydney swallowed hard at the reminder.  She cleared her throat and adjusted her glasses, begging words to come that would stop the flashes of Maggie hovering over her in a hospital bunk looking very, very, very serious.

“So, what do you think, Doc?” Maggie asked as she presented Sydney with the dessert.

Sydney cocked her head to the left, leaning in to examine the cupcake. “Is that what I think it is?”

Maggie smiled proudly at her creation. “Completely appropriate for a baby shower, right?”

“Pretty accurate vaginal depiction,” Sydney decided as she took a bite. “Tastes good, too.”


	5. Frightful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Immediately following 3.17.

After enough nose twitching to put Samantha Stephens to shame, Sydney came to the only logical conclusion she could.  She wiped a tear from her eye and looked over to where Maggie was still loyally and patiently sitting by her side.

“You were right,” she said through a sniffle. “I wanted an out.”

Maggie nodded sympathetically. “I know.”

“I was suffocating.  Since the day we got engaged,” Sydney admitted. “I’ve been dreading actually getting married. Of course, I wanted an out.”

“You told him the truth, though,” Maggie said. “It’s not like you took the easy way out.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that I yelled at him about eating bacon after I had sex with you.”

“I remember it fondly,” Maggie tried to hide a smirk. “The sex, not the yelling.”

“Maggie!” Sydney groaned, burying her face. 

“I was kidding.” Maggie winced when Sydney groaned again. “Probably too soon. I’m sorry.”

“I’m a nafka. Me! I was a virgin a few weeks ago...and now...”

“Syd, hey,” Maggie gently pulled her hands from over her face. “I’m sure you’re not a...er- um, a napkin. It’s going to be okay.”

“No, it won’t.”

“It will.”

“My fiance had a tapeworm. That’s so...of course, he would,” Sydney sighed. “Because I’m gay.”

“Ex-fiance.”

Sydney fixed her with a glare. “Don’t assure me that I’m not cursed or anything.”

“Ex. Just pointing it out. He’s your ex-fiance. Ex.”

“Stop saying that.”

“It’s a good thing.” Maggie bumped shoulders with Sydney. "Even though it might not feel like it right now."

“What did I do?” Sydney shook her head in disbelief. “He told me to get out. I think I ruined him.”

“He did not get a tapeworm because you’re gay. There is no gay tapeworm disease. There's being gay and there's having a tapeworm. Completely separate phenomenons.”

“I’m not talking about the tapeworm.”

“I know, I know.” Maggie dipped her head to catch Sydney’s eyes. “You didn’t ruin him.  It would have been so much worse if you married him knowing what you know about yourself.”

“He’ll tell my family.”

“So, you’ll tell them first.”

“He’ll tell everybody, the whole community, my rabbi,” Sydney’s anxiety was ramping up. “And he’ll be right to do it.”

“Breathe,” Maggie rubbed her back, trying to provide her with as much comfort as she could. “Breathe, Sydney.”

“I guess I had it coming,” Sydney continued. “After what I did to Neshama.”

“You didn’t,” Maggie tried to convince her. 

Sydney rolled her eyes. “I do.”

“Okay, so what you did was shitty-”

“I know, Maggie-” Sydney’s panic started to rise again.

“But, you were seventeen!  And, let’s face it, you were spooked.” Maggie squeezed Sydney’s hand. “And despite everything that is bad about that situation, and there was plenty, Neshama still found a way to have a good, happy life. She’s married and has a baby..and lives in Montreal, which is beautiful in the Spring.”

Sydney visibly calmed. “Yeah?”

“And now you’re taking the first steps toward your own happy ending.”

“Yeah,” Sydney said with more confidence.

“So, it’s going to be okay,” Maggie affirmed.

“You’re being ridiculously optimistic.”

“Eh,” Maggie smiled her fluttery smile. “Maybe things are looking up for me, too.”

Sydney laid her head on Maggie’s shoulder.  She wasn’t one to drop her defenses very often.  Not ever really. But, this was different.  Maggie was different.  It terrified her how much Maggie was different.

“Herschel knew a lot about me,” Maggie mused.

“I may have mentioned you a couple of times.”

Maggie could not wipe the smile off her face. “Just a couple?”

Sydney slipped her arm through Maggie’s. “A few, maybe.”

“He seemed to like me.”

“He’s probably not much of a Maggie Lin fan anymore,” Sydney informed her. “Just so you know. In case, you wanted to strike up a friendship with my  _ ex _ .”

Maggie looked at her. “Did you tell him about us?”

“I didn’t  _ not _ tell him.  He guessed.”

“Wow,” Maggie chuckled. “You really came all the way out, huh?”

Sydney exhaled dejectedly. “This won’t be easy. Especially not for my family. I don’t know how to tell them.  I certainly don’t know what my life will look like after.”

“You have time to figure it out,” Maggie said. “I’ll be around when you do.”

Sydney leaned in slowly as Maggie’s eyes drifted closed.  “Thank you,” she whispered.

Maggie was taken completely off-guard when she felt Sydney’s arms wrap around her.  “Oh,” she said in surprise and returned the embrace.

“You’ve gotten better at this,” Sydney said into Maggie's neck.

“I guess I’m not scared you’re going to kiss me again.”

“No?”

“Nah."

 So Sydney kissed her just in case she didn’t get another chance.


End file.
